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LUKE 13:23-30
23 ¶ Then said one unto him, Lord, are there few that be saved? And he said unto them, 24 Strive to enter in at the strait (narrow) gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able. 25 When once the master of the house is risen up, and hath shut to the door, and ye begin to stand without, and to knock at the door, saying, Lord, Lord, open unto us; and he shall answer and say unto you, I know you not whence ye are: 26 Then shall ye begin to say, We have eaten and drunk in thy presence, and thou hast taught in our streets. 27 But he shall say, I tell you, I know you not whence ye are; depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity. 28 There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when ye shall see Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, and all the prophets, in the kingdom of God, and you yourselves thrust out. 29 And they shall come from the east, and from the west, and from the north, and from the south, and shall sit down in the kingdom of God. 30 And, behold, there are last which shall be first, and there are first which shall be last.
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The following is a Lenten reflection that I wrote for St. James Episcopal Church for Sunday March 7 2004. I had planned on writing on the Gospel lesson of that day (Luke 13:23-31), but when I sat down at the computer this essay flowed out in less than 30 minutes as if it had a life of it’s own. Looking back (without me realizing it at the time) the essay was inspired by this gospel. The second version was printed in the bulletin.
Original Essay:
When I was young I rejected Christianity because it teaches that human nature is evil, thirty five years later I became a Christian because Christianity teaches that human nature is evil.
I became friends with a young women whom I loved passionately but not romantically, and whom I believed loved me in the same way. This was the closest I came to ever loving someone other than family members, children or animals with Agape (unselfish love, concentrating on satisfying the other’s needs). Time and time again she treated me badly, she always apologized, I forgave her and she turned around and did the same thing or worse. Finally an incident happened that made me realize that for her the friendship was based on how she could use and abuse me. I confronted her and her brother and two friends jumped me and beat me up. For two days I waited desperately for her to come over and apologize. After all, I always treated her well and I was a good person who didn’t deserve this! On the third day, I wrote a long letter filled with hate, denouncing her hypocrisy in the strongest terms, figuratively destroying her. She became the first person that I had ever really hated, although I struggled to forgive her (at the same time feeling like a fool for wanting to forgive her). Over a period of months, I began to realize I wasn’t the person I had always thought I was, I was filled with hatred, rage and for the first time became aware of my capacity for violence, (not that I wanted to hit her but I thank God that she never slapped me because I don’t know what would have happened).
The next few months I spent in Hell, crying against the unfairness of it all and also becoming aware that I had fallen in love with the evil within myself. I was sick physically and mentally, lost weight, couldn’t sleep, I had no desire to do anything, even keep on living.
One morning, I woke up a few minutes before 5:00 a.m. and turned on the TV and there was a preacher sitting in a studio teaching from the Bible. I thought that this might be interesting, if only for a laugh. But I had never seen anything like this before, he was sitting there reading a chapter of the Bible and explaining it in a way that made it seem simple and direct, I started watching every day mostly because of intellectual pride, after all I was an intelligent person who after repeated tries didn’t understand the Book which was the basis for all of Western civilization and which lead to the music and art I loved. Fortunately, one day he preached on Christ in the Old Testament and by the time he got through Psalms 22 I became a Christian.
“Now it gets easy!” I thought (I was such a fool!). Within four months, I was crushed by a Zebra while working at an exotic animal farm, had two surgeries, lost the only non-music job I had ever loved, had an accident that made my Lincoln the size of a Toyota, and spent nine months where I couldn’t find a job. This was the easy part, what was hard was becoming a Christian. After all, I had to forgive Naomi who didn’t deserve it (I didn’t deserve God’s grace and forgiveness). This was the hardest thing I ever had to do and the only way I could forgive her in spite of myself was to sincerely pray for her every time I thought of her.
Our Gospel lesson of today is one of the many disturbing passages of scripture. In these verses Christ is not addressing nonbelievers or the Scribes and Pharisees, but he is addressing us. God wants every one of his children to be saved, but the requirements are such that few will persevere. With knowledge comes responsibility. In the book of Revelation, Christ tells the church of Laodicea ”Because you are lukewarm and neither cold nor hot, I will spue (lit. vomit) you out of my mouth.” I have learned that Christ taught not only by his words but by example, especially the example of the crucifixion: in order to be resurrected you first must die to what you call your “self”.
Essay Printed in the Bulletin:
When I was young I rejected Christianity because it teaches that human nature is evil. Thirty-five years later I became a Christian because it teaches that human nature is evil.
I desperately wanted to know God. I studied various religions, spiritual teachings, philosophy, and psychology, but was left empty. I believed in loving and respecting others, forgiveness and compassion. I was a “good person”, always trying to do what was right. I believed in a God but despaired of ever knowing him. I was free of restrictions, free to develop my own beliefs, to indulge in sex and drugs. Yet I couldn’t understand why with all this freedom I was so miserable.
A little over three years ago, I was devastated by the cruel and vicious betrayal of a beloved friend. I couldn’t sleep, was depressed and anxious, and lost all interest in life. I prayed to a God I wasn’t sure existed about the unfairness, the pain. I prayed to forgive my friend (at the same time feeling stupid for even want to forgive her). I often wondered why God had allowed this to happen to me. After all, I was a good person!
But one thing I have learned was that I was not a good person. As long as I believed I was good I could not know God . I had fallen in love with evil, I was consumed with hatred, anger and bitterness.
One day I came across a minister on television who was able to explain difficult Bible passages in a simple, direct manner. I watched more out of curiosity than seeking faith, after all I knew that when you turned the other cheek you were likely to get slapped again. One day he taught on Christ in the Old Testament and by the time he taught Psalm 22, I had become a Christian.This is when life became difficult, for among other things I was commanded to love and forgive my so-called friend. Not because she deserved it, but because I hadn’t deserved the love, grace and forgiveness of God.The only way I was finally able to accomplish this was to pray for her every time I thought of her.
Despite my best intentions and desires, I could not possibly be a good person. I had not been free, but had been a slave to evil. I was incapable of goodness without the Lord’s help and that required me to be crucified with Jesus and resurrected in the Lord.
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The preacher I watched was Dr. Arnold Murray of the "Shepherd's Chapel (see my Links page), I still watch every day. While I don't necessarily agree with all of his interpretations and politics (right-wing), I think he is a great person and incredible teacher.
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